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I used to really love Valentine’ Day. Heck when I was back at school I was heartbroken because I never ever had a Valentine. I know young and naive.

I met and fell in love with my Michael and the day was perfect. It wasn’t the celebration itself it was a statement to our love. We always said it was our day because that is our last name. The most perfect Valentines Days we didn’t have to do anything. We just revelled in our love and family.

Valentine’s Day was ours and it is a struggle just to get through. It hurts so so much I just would like to sleep the day away. I just wish …1146961_10200303240359045_1282391890_o


You ever have those days when it just takes all your strength just to get out of bed. Between not feeling the best recently I also have to suffer through this. I miss Michael so much. I am just so empty and miserable. I have been so bitchy at times it scares me. I don’t want to do that, but it’s like my mouth has a mind of it’s own.  This song reminds me so so much of Michael and I’s relationship that upon hearing it tonight the tears started falling. I feel so alone all the time trying not to let anything or anyone hurt me. meh sorry. well here is the song  that is



Lately it seems that no matter how hard I am fighting, it is never enough. For every day I feel a breathe it seems like I get days upon days of misery.  I know I am not alone it just feels like sometimes noone truly understands the depths of pain. Between missing Michael and struggling through life. I feel done and then the world every day it just gets worse and worse. It is just tooo much. Sometimes I seriously would love to just disappear. I know that wouldn’t help anything but the pain gets unbearable at times.    1146961_10200303240359045_1282391890_o


sometimes in life you get a chance to change, to be a better person/, no longer having to say what if.

I ___ dreamcatcher Pink Purple Space Art Print by Girly Trend _ Society6am an example of that. lets just say early on in my relationship with  Michael it wasnt without drama. We used to have horrid fights. We even stopped seeing each other. We needed that because when we did get together again there was a shift. sure we bickered (not  a lot) but we had his really intense bond. see if we hadn’t gotten together again where would we end up.

life throws us curveballs not just to test us but also to help grow in love and light


sometimes no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to do anything right. Just one day I would like to have without me being an emotional wreck. which pain will win today the physical or the emotional. either way it is too much tonight. i just wish i could cry to help in the healing. mehInstagramCapture_af4a9f6c-6a70-41b8-85f4-00107af4c832



sometimes it feels like I am being taken on a ride to who knows where for reasons no one knows.

every time it feels like i am getting control of my life bam. something will happen to let me know I am not in control of my life. It is frustrating to say the least. 

It looks like my astrological sign is a perfect match for me. Gemini the sign of duality. Perfect because I feel like 2 separate souls everyday.

I just  wish the universe would just let me heal before they throw anything else at me. A girl can hope right?